My Journey of Faith

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are mine." -Is. 43:1

My journey of faith began when I was just a baby, when my parents stood before the Church and I was baptized and welcomed into God's family. Of course, I was too young to understand much of anything at that point, and it wasn't until many years later that I decided I wanted to be Catholic because I loved Jesus and not because my parents were.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment that I had my personal conversion to the Catholic faith. It was a conversion that happened slowly over time, which is appropriate because that's how we develop as human beings. However, I can pinpoint when the slow, but sure, conversion started.

I think it started in the second grade, when one of my best friends was diagnosed with brain cancer. She was 8 at the time, and I was 7. I was too young to realize that she was dying then, too young to realize that death was even a real threat to every human being. But as I watched her suffer for 4 years with cancer, I eventually learned just how sick she was.

My friend, whose name was Bridget, spent four years in pain that I cannot begin to know or understand. And every time I saw her, she never complained about it or drew attention to it.

I am a 21 year old woman and when I have the flu I can't get through the day without bursting into tears. But Bridget, who was diagnosed at 8 years old and lived only until she was 12, never complained about the pain she was in. Every time she would come to school, she wouldn't ever draw attention to herself or her pain. She would participate to the best of her ability in whatever our class was doing, and she would do it with joy. It didn't matter that, because of the tumor in her head, she had fallen behind and was less experienced than the rest of our class was. She was just happy to be there with us when she could be.

Eventually, she did pass away after a long and hard battle with her illness. But my life was forever changed because I knew her. She is the person who kickstarted my conversion. She didn't know it then, but it is my belief and hope that she knows it now.

Her motto was "Every Day with Joy" (which is how I chose the title for this blog) and she lived it well. I saw that and I wanted to be like her. I wanted to be able to lift up my sufferings to the Lord like she did. I wanted to have the humility she had, not to be ashamed of my weaknesses but to love life despite them. To be joyful in the midst of the tough things that life tends to throw our way.

It wasn't until 8th grade that I connected the dots that a relationship with Christ is how I would be able to live Bridget's motto to the fullest. To live every day with joy meant I had to give every day to Christ.

I don't live that perfectly by any means, I have fallen short of that over and over again. I have given into my sorrows and my pain many times and let them control my life. I spent years deep in sin and shame because of the hurts and traumas that I was experiencing because instead of trusting in the Lord to protect me, I put the responsibility on myself.

For the longest time, actually, I thought to live every day with joy meant that I should pretend that my suffering didn't exist. I thought it meant that I should bury it deep down where no one could see it, not even me. But the problem we have there is that, eventually, those things have a habit of resurfacing. To quote the famous young adult novel by John Green, "that's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt." (The Fault In Our Stars)

Eventually, I learned that to truly live a life joyfully is to acknowledge the sufferings we are going through and to lift them up to the Lord over and over again. Ann Voskamp says, in her book The Broken Way, "feelings are meant to be felt and given to God." We are not meant to be defined by our suffering, we shouldn't wallow in it. We should let ourselves feel our suffering, but we should not let it become who we are.

This is easier said than done for sure, but it is also liberating. It gives the hard stuff meaning. It unites us to Jesus and it can bear some of the greatest fruits when we offer it for those in desperate need of God's grace.

The biggest thing I learned in my faith, though, is that no matter what God is with me always and He loves me. I often find that I am closest to God in my sufferings. Not because it's the only time I turn to Him out of desperation, but because I feel there is a solidarity there. Jesus became human and experienced human pain. So when I am hurting, He is with me in it. He knows the pain I am going through and He understands it better than anyone. Because of that, I feel so closely united to Him when I am hurting.

It is my desire to share this with the world. I want every human being who is alone, tired, hurting, depressed, etc. to know that the Lord is with them in that. You are not alone even when you feel most alone. He is with you in it, He knows how you are feeling, and He will not let you drown in it. He has redeemed you. He calls you to Himself in love. And you are His.

May he bless you abundantly and be with you in all you do. <3

Originally found on the “Joyfully His” blog. Shared by our Draw Near contributor, EmmaLee Miklosovic. Find the original blog here.