So Be It

“ Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I complete what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church.” (Col 1:24) 

Sadly, I don’t even remember her name. I only remember the circumstances of our meeting and our conversation. Yet, the Lord revealed so much to me during the course of our time together and I have never forgotten the valuable lesson that came through our discussion – namely, answers to a question I had long asked. 

As a Protestant, studying to become a pastor, and an avid reader of Scripture, I came upon a few verses that I could not understand. I would often ask those I looked up to for answers. Generally, the answers I would receive were something like, “That’s what the Catholics use to justify such and such teaching.” That was never a satisfying answer… What did “we” believe about said passages? What is true? Ultimately, that searching led me to the Catholic Church where I found those answers, largely in the writings of the Church Fathers. 

The passage I have selected above was one such verse. “How could anything be lacking in the sufferings of Christ?” What does this mean? I found the answer in a most unexpected way. As a Graduate Assistant in the Catechetics Office at a Catholic university and a “non-traditional” student with a family, sometimes my experience on campus was different than that of my classmates. The university participated in an exchange with students from another Protestant university known for its biblical studies program. Catholic students would spend time on a Baptist campus, and vice versa. Normally, these students were hosted by university faculty, and dinner in the home was part of the experience. To my surprise, my wife and I were asked to host a group of five or six students, welcome them into our home and provide dinner and conversation for them. 

As a recent convert, they understandably had many questions for me. Most were predictable. Questions about Mary, the intercession of the saints, Scripture and Tradition, all of these were discussed respectfully at length. She seemed rather quiet in this discussion. It seemed as if something was weighing heavy on her heart. It was then that one of the students asked me, “So, enough about doctrine. What’s your testimony? Tell us about your life! How did you find a relationship with Christ?” If only more Catholics would be so direct! 

I began to share my story. Some of it you can find here and here. Beginning from my childhood (an unusual move on my part), I shared stories of struggle and abuse, of striving to find identity, of searching for meaning, of patterns or mistakes (rooted in fear) and so many hurts. I also shared how coming into the Catholic Church felt like the ending of a lifelong journey in which I finally found all that I had been searching for, and a commissioning for a new even greater journey. Through it all, she was quiet. I noticed a tear in her eye. It was then that she began to ask more questions about my childhood. Whether everyone left the table or stayed and quietly listened, I still don’t recall. 

She began to expound upon her own experiences and wounds. It was a deeply personal conversation in which she explained that she had a similar childhood. She seemed especially curious about how I have continued on, how I found healing, how I seemed to have found peace. She also asked how I deal with my past experiences. She even asked a question about how God could allow me to suffer as he had. She was, of course, asking for herself.  

I hadn’t really given it much thought since becoming Catholic. I also hadn’t thought of it in relation to the Scripture passage above. But, these words then proceeded out of my mouth. “I have been able to share my testimony with a few people. It’s not something I share often. Nor something I am willing to share much. But, on a few occasions the Lord has allowed for it. On those occasions others have shared with me that they have found hope in my experience; that they can see that someone with the very same wounds can find healing, can find forgiveness, that God’s grace can do wonders. For that reason and no other, I say that if my suffering is what can help you find healing in this moment, then I say, ‘So, be it.’” She then began to cry. I could sense that the peace of God and the wonder of his grace began to fill her heart. 

What the Lord showed me in that experience is the answer to the question I had so many years ago. Does it somehow make light of what I suffered? Absolutely not! Does it somehow excuse it? No. Does it mean that in some strange way I find joy in that most traumatic experience? A thousand times no! 

So, what does it mean then? Here we come to yet another one of my favorite Scripture passages. Hebrews 12:2 states, “Jesus endured the Cross for the joy that was before Him.” What was that joy? Better, who was that joy? It was me! It was you! It was this student! In all His suffering, He had the good of our redemption in mind. Each one of us. He would have done it all the same even if only one of us would accept the gift of salvation and eternity with Him. His love for us is that real. Similarly, the things we suffer in this life, we are called to unite to the sufferings of Christ, the perfecter and finisher of our faith. We see in both Scripture and Tradition (as well as in the lives of the saints), that our sufferings, when offered up to the Lord, are themselves powerful prayers that serve a redemptive purpose. In this case, what I endured and my story of healing and redemptions that followed were the vehicle for bringing healing to another. By God’s grace, she is not the only one. 

In this world there is so much hurt, so many wounds. Yet, we are not alone in our suffering. So many share our same experiences. We know that Christ, the Divine Physician, is present wherever two or three are gathered in his name. I pray that by God’s grace we can be the wounded healers that we are called to be in this world. I pray that we can find the forgiveness and healing that is so needed and that we can help others do the same. In this way, we can become channels of God’s grace, healing and love overflowing into the hearts and minds of others.